bego Funny Status Messages

   Bit%h If We Break Up... I'm Changing My Netflix Password ... You Ain't Bouta Be Cuddled Up With Anotha Guy On My $8 a Month

   Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other stuff wrong with my car I’d turn the radio down.

   Imagine this: you’re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers “Bless you” and hangs up.

   “Who is this I just got a new phone?” Really means I didn’t bother to store your number because you aren’t that important.

   Dear Fellow Americans, we need to stop making stupid people famous.

   Girls who pretend to act stupid because they think it's cute need to be slapped in the face with a brick.

   Girls have periods, cramps, babies, and everything else. The least a guy could do is text her first

   Overprotective parents raise the best liars.

   How to murder someone: tell them you love them so much, and then go on to forget about their existence.

   Being single sucks when you know exactly who you want.

   When you mess up a guy’s hair, he thinks it’s cute, but when you mess up a girl’s hair, just hope you’re wearing something bulletproof.

   Marriage is like a public toilet.Those waiting outside are desperate to get in.Those inside are desperate to get out

   Remember Hey Arnold? Rugrats? CatDog? Rocket Power? Kenan & Kel? The Amanda Show?… When Nickelodeon made sense.

   The only reason my heart appears cold and black is because I have my real heart locked in an indestrucible black heart shaped box and cryogenically frozen to prevent further damage.

   Mirror: “You look cute today”. Camera: “Lol, no”. Instagram filters: “I got chu”

   All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you

   I wish weekends went by like microwave minutes

   Bi&ches Be Like Wake up *pic* Get dressed *pic* School Flow *pic* Bored *pic* With Bae *pic* No Filter *pic* Goodnight *pic* Goodnight *pic*

   Instead of getting periods, can girls just get a text once a month from mother nature saying 'you're not pregnant have a nice day!'

   Kids today will never understand the feeling of slamming a phone shut after an argument. All they can do is just poke at a screen.