Funny Status Messages

   the kinda guy your mother warned you about. Warned you not to let get away because a good man is hard to find.

   Jail: the government's way of sending you to your room

   What is a man's idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum

   I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn't hear me call shotgun.

   That today a small kid dressed in diapers with a bow and arrow came knocking on my door and I turned the hose on him.... come to think about it I might be confusing Halloween with Valentine's Day!

   Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard

   First Lady Gaga shows up at the VMAs covered in meat. Then arrives at the Grammys in an egg. She's only about two red carpets away from being a Denny's Grand Slam.

   Pizza will you be my valentine?

   Today may be Valentines day, but men will get their revenge in exactly one month....March 14th, look it up.

   For Valentine's day, my husband didn't go to Jared. He went to work. I think that the steady paycheck says "I love you" much better than a shiny rock could.

   Today is a special day in the rite of spring. It speaks of rejuvenated love and a reminder of things that are sweet. Happy Pitchers and Catchers Report day!

   If tonight goes just as planned for most people, we should see a lot of new babies in November

   if by Jareds you mean Wal-Mart, then yes I got it at Jareds

   Watson, the super computer, on Jepordy! What's next, Johhny No. 5 on "The Dating Game"?

   last Valentine's Day I was f**king stupid, but this year she's f**king somebody else!

   I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant

   $100 - Roses, $50 - Dinner, $75 - Hotel, Knowing I saved that money this year - Priceless

   you make me feel like I can touch the planets, you want the moon girl, watch me grab it!

   Roses are red, violets are blue, GET IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!

   Happy Unimaginative, Consumerist-Oriented, and Entirely Arbitrary, Manipulative and Shallow Interpretation of Romance Day