Fazzy Funny Status Messages

   Never allow making a living to become such an obsession to where it prevents you from actually living.

   I went to confession. Things in my life have gotten way out of hand and I mean WAY out. For penance, the priest gave me 10 Hail Marys, 10 Act of Contritions, 10 Our Fathers and a Do It Yourself Crucifixion kit from IKEA.

   It's a contest to see which one can can outnumber the other: Covid variants or Rocky films.

   This coming Wednesday, the groundhog's 6 week weather forecast will once again claim 100% accuracy while your local TV meteorologist's 5 day forecast will hover at its usual 1%.

   We don't care how much money you have, how many cars and homes you own or how popular you are. Get past the dying part and then we'll be impressed.

   Imagine you in heaven eatin' yo daily bread and the devil walks by with Popeyes.

   People need to stop hiding behind the cloak of religious dogma and simply focus on becoming a better person.

   I wish there was a vaccine that would make me immune from having to hear all the whining over the Covid vaccines.

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all of your keys at the same time.

   It is said that every day is a gift. Can I get a copy of the receipt so I can exchange it for something else?

   Music is the universal language. Humor is the universal salve.

   Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.

   Taco Bell is the only place where you can still get gas for $1.39.

   The Irish River Dance was started by a family that had 11 kids but only 1 bathroom.

   I know not with what weapons WW3 will be fought, but WW4 will be fought with sticks and stones.

   Better and more accurate than any dating site: Ask her if she's on Will Smith or Chris Rock's side. If she says Will Smith, run away as fast as you can.

   Johnny Depp could have avoided this entire mess if he had simply issued an Amber alert.

   I used to sneak out of my house to go to parties. I now sneak out of parties to go to my house.

   I realized how non-materialistic I am. To me, a step up the social ladder isn't a new car, house, or clothes... it's the rare occasion when I line the waste paper basket in the bathroom with a Target bag instead of one from Wal-Mart.

   I can relate to the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard defamation trial. Sort of. I dreamt an old girlfriend chased me around the bed with a machete after eating a box of Ex-Lax.