Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   the only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath.

   It's a difficult day for me today. Today is the day I tell my dog that I am not his biological mother and that his real mother was a b!tch.

   Just because your a great grand-mother does not give you the right to wear "Juicy" on the seat of your pants...

   If a mute swears, does his mother was his hands with soap??

   Father: "I'm the BOSS. I make the rules and run this house, understand?" Daughter: "Why are you whispering daddy?" Father: "I don't want your mother to hear me."

   My mother + my father - condom = COOLEST PERSON ALIVE! :-).

   While Prince may have found his mother demanding. Maybe she just didn't want to see him wear a frilly purple suit everyday

   Most memorable quote by a mother: "Waldo, just where the hell have you been?"

   Today I met a FOOL who has both, his girlfriend and her mother as friends on his Facebook.

   Got my passport application forms back today. Apparently in the Place of Birth section:"between my mother's legs" isn't an acceptable answer!!!

   Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman. If your man needs pills to get it up, maybe you are not as sexy as you assumed.

   Spent the last 40 mins. on the phone with my mother, regrettably the first rule of Zumba class is nothing like the first rule of Fight Club.

   My mother never breast fed me. She told me she likes me as a friend.

   You simply have not lived until your dad's sperm fertilizes your mother's egg.

   I'm calling child protective services on Mother Nature.

   Why do meteorologists try and educate me on the workings of mother nature?  Dude, just tell me pants or shorts tomorrow...

   Trying to get someone to agree with your political or religious viewpoint, is as futile as trying to convince a mother that her baby isn't the cutest thing ever.

   Adam and Eve had an ideal relationship. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam's mother cooked.

   Only with my mother could me saying "getting old sucks" be heard as "getting oral s*x".

   I'm pretty sure Whoopi Goldberg is Lil Wayne's real mother..