bego Funny Status Messages

   WebMD needs to add the question “Have you eaten Taco Bell today?” when asking about stomach-related symptoms.

   Four things that can never be recovered: the stone after it’s thrown, the word after it’s spoken, the occasion after it’s missed, and the time after it’s gone.

   Hey North Korea. Do you even lift bro?

   Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world

   Bi&ches take pictures with bra and panties and post it for a million strangers to see. Then say they wifey material, no bi&ch you strip club material..

   "Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance" -Alcohol

   "Pay attention to me when I'm ignoring you" -women

   If you don't use your partner as a hand and foot warmer, you're not in a real relationship

   Men who don’t understand women fall into two categories: Bachelors and Husbands.

   Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I'm about to be murdered.

   *Texts girlfriend* Wats up baby!!! ;) *Doesn't reply for 5 hours* BI&CH YOU BETTER BE WRITING ME A FUC&ING BOOK!

   I bet our entire universe is just in a tiny glass jar placed neatly on a shelf in an alien child's room as a science project he got a C- on

   Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.

   Women spend too much money on stuff to look pretty...save your cash, buy him beer.

   Dear coworkers, please understand that my headphones on are the international sign for "leave me the hell alone."

   A moment of silence for all the brave coffee beans that gave their lives, so millions of people can get through another day.

   f by “Hold” you mean take a moment to reflect on your poor customer service and how I should take my business elsewhere? Then yes, I’ll hold.

   I think its soo cool when your EX becomes an XXL

   Friday Night Pick Up Line: Either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it is your choice.

   B&tch, why the fu&k you coming over if you on your period? Save your gas!