Funny Status Messages

   Who wants to replay the Superbowl next weekend, just so we can have another party?

   on the positive side, somewhere in a third world country people now have these sweet Pittsburgh steelers Superbowl champions shirts and hats to wear!!

   Although it's true that when I think about you I touch myself, it usually involves a sharp instrument to the heart region…you know, as a reminder….

   I think it's smart that Pittsburgh fans carry yellow crying towels to soak up their tears.

   I have the cape... I make whoosh noises...

   This just in.... kleenex has reported a shortage of tissues due to all the steelers fans running to the store to buy tissues to dry their tears..... Packers WIN!!!!!

   What's Black & Gold???? The teeth of Roethlessbergers cell mate......

   still trying to use The Force to start my car...

   just when I thought Roethlessberger couldn't look anymore like a douche he goes and proves me wrong by shaving his beard....

   What I typed to text my wife: Getting BK (Burger King) now. What auto-correct on my iPhone tried to change it to: Getting BJ now. Thankfully I checked it before I hit send...

   Bought jelly, peanut butter and bread. Made a PBJ sandwich. I love it when a plans comes together.

   Okay, I admit it! I have my chat showing as offline because I don't want to chat with some of you right now.

   If we live more than 200 miles apart, I will always mark "not attending" on every invite you send me unless I get at least a month's notice. Please keep this in mind when you send out your invites.

   If reincarnation were real, I'd like to come back as a stomach virus, so I could say that I truly give a sh!t….

   My girlfriend never says what she means, but drops hints and leaves clues she wants me to try and figure out. Its like I'm dating the frickin' Riddler!! Well I'm not Batman so she is SOL.

   I tried to look up the Kelly Blue Book value of my car and it said before it could tell me it needed to know how much gas was in it....

   Curse you jalepeno poppers, CURSE YOU! Why do you have to taste so good and hurt me so bad?

   Ah the warm feeling when you see your ex has gotten fat.

   I miss the good ole days when moms wanted us home for dinner she didn't have to use a cell. Her speed dial was yelling "time to eat" out the window.

   I think, therefore we have nothing in common.