BEGO Funny Status Messages

   When I start my drinks, my di&k does all the thinking..

   ny psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.

   Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells F&CK really loud then people scurry like mad.

   There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!

   I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.

   It’s funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

   My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively

   I hate arguing through text. I need you to hear the anger and sincerity in my voice when I call you a bi&ch.

   You tell a chick "Hey" and she thinks you're hitting on her. Get over yourself, You look like a lightskin Chris Bosh with a weave on anyway

   Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.

   One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."

   Never ever give a woman a straight answer. Give them gay answers, they love gay answers.

   Yup, My girlfriend went out for drinks with the girls from her work... Can't wait for her to get back and tell me EVERYTHING that's wrong with me.

   Yo Bit&h, Of course I'm sorry about your problem. Just like the other 1,536 of your friends that keep reading about it. Trust me... we're ALL sorry for reading it!

   I just had 19 beers at Chuck E. Cheese's... and this band is awesome!

   I just scrolled sooo far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace.

   I think next time I'll go ahead and press "2" for Spanish. Maybe I'll actually get someone who speaks English better than the person on the "English" damn line.

   Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.

   If you text someone to tell them you’re standing outside of their house instead of knocking on the door, then you probably text too much.

   Being afraid of North Korea is like calling the FBI because someone threatened you in a YouTube comment.