bego Funny Status Messages

   The person with the longest text message response time has the upper hand in the relationship.

   Idea to help fight the obesity epidemic in America: Force Walmart to keep their parking spaces at least 200 yards from their entrances.

   Some girls put more effort into naming their Facebook photo albums than I put into my life.

   Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.

   Absolutely no one can text faster than a pissed off woman.

   Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can’t see that it says: “This one had insurance. Don’t kill him.”

   Women want someone that looks good on their arm, holds all their crap, and compliments their shoes. Basically men are just purses.

   The older I get, the more I come to realize that I just don't care what the hell anyone thinks anymore.

   The ultimate question... is Petsmart supposed to be "Pet smart" or "Pets mart"?

   The problem with some people is that they’re alive.

   I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.

   Nicki Minaj being a judge on American Idol is like Taylor Swift giving relationship advice.

   Nothing’s forever. Forever’s a lie. All we have is what’s between hello and goodbye.

   I blame movies for my high expectations in relationships.

   Every time I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the damn lock.

   There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.

   Real friendship is lending your Facebook so they can stalk their ex.

   It must suck to be Spanish speaking person who doesn’t understand the English phrase “If you’d like to continue in Spanish…”

   I’ve been having this weird feeling all day, the only way I know how to describe it is: you know when you switch on a switch and nothing happens? That.

   My “we had to walk 5 miles uphill in the snow just to get to school” story will be about taking 4 hours to download an mp3 with a 28k modem in 1995.