BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.

   You know it's going to be a great story when it starts out with "So, this damn bi&ch..."

   When you click a button you didn't mean to click, so you just kinda hold the click and drag your cursor around hoping it doesn't click.

   Find someone who will change your life, not just your damn relationship status.

   Eighteen is too young to get married! You can't even buy alcohol. If you can't drink, how are you going to make your damn marriage work?

   McDonald’s should have an express drive thru lane just for people who need french fries.

   I hate when people only talk to me when they need something.

   Wouldn't it be great to hear a priest say "been there, done that" in reply to your confessed sins?

   When McDonalds only give you ONE pack of sauce ... <<< Bi&ch I ordered a 20 piece nugget meal , THE F&CK ima do with ONE pack !?

   Unless you can explain how you know me in three words or less, Facebook Friend Request: DENIED.

   Love in 2013 means answering each other’s texts immediately.

   I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.

   My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.

   Strangers think I’m quiet, my friends think I’m outgoing, my best friends know I’m insane.

   I have many talents… For example: Sleeping…and Eating…and damn Drinking!

   Success, it's like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.

   Plan for tonight: 1. get off work and drink till Monday. 2. figure the rest out later

   Ladies: imagine a man who’s rich, handsome, listens well and loves you for who you are. Now keep imagining him, because he’s only imaginary.

   If you peel back the foil on pudding and don’t lick the pudding on the foil before indulging in the pudding then I’m sorry to say you’re not cool.

   Hey person calling me from a blocked number, I’m not answering. Ever.