bego Funny Status Messages

   Relationships are kinda like hamburgers on TV. They look good, but in real life, they're not that great.

   Mother: Clean your room, family is coming over. Me: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize the gathering would be held in my bedroom.

   Well happy new year to you all mine friends wish you all the best for 2013..

   I remember 2012 like it was yesterday…

   Shout out to all the girls that got pregnant last night and don't know it yet

   'The Hangover' playing over & over on TV. Well played TBS

   Kim Kardashian is 32 & she's pregnant, but y'all hoes be 16 with 4 kids and no baby daddy.. & y'all calling her a s?ut? PLEASE, have a seat.

   A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man

   LIKE if you’ve already broke one of your New Year’s Resolutions.

   People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

   Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.

   People say I’m sarcastic but I’m just investigating the effects of irony on morons.

   Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire.

   Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”

   Don’t try to rush me while waiting behind me at a Redbox, I will read what every movie is about…twice

   I spend more time hitting the damn snooze button than I do snoozing.

   Dear People of The World, I don’t mean to sound slutty but use me whenever you want. Sincerely, Proper Grammar.

   After I die, there are some girls on facebook I’m going to haunt the s&it out of.

   They should make a medal for anyone uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.

   That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto-correct is like "I got nothing, man."