Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Happy National Nothing Day!

   if Tyler Perry controlled facebook, it would have more drama and more cross dressing old men with family lessons....Be glad Tyler Perry does not own Facebook.

   eating a raccoon taco, anybody want some?

   Money doesnt buy happiness it buys crazy a$$ happiness

   I put minute rice in a slow cooker and it took 3 hours

   Facebook should have a ”no one cares” button

   Reckons that in the right light,at the right angle,if you squint & stand on on leg,I might look like I give a damn

   An angry mob of nerds can be dangerous. The only thing stopping them from tipping cars is physical ability.

   Why are all the birds dyin? seahawks, falcons, ravens, eagles

   The worst part about waking up alone is not having someone to kick out of bed to make me coffee.

   The Social Network...Probably the first time I've actually read the book before I saw the movie ...

   wishes Jersey Shore was like survivor, so they could all vote Sammi off the island.

   Five bucks says I'm totally broke.

   I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me...

   not taking coupons from giant chickens anymore. Not after last time.

   I wish that some conversations came with a fast-forward button.

   War does not determine who is right – only who is left

   Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

   To Like Your Own Status Or Picture On Facebook Is Like High-Fiving Yourself!!!

   Confucius says man who argue with wife all day get no piece at night...