bego Funny Status Messages

   Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make sure they're enjoying it…

   Dear Coworkers, all I want for Christmas is you... to not talk to me before 9am.

   Santa saw your Facebook pictures. …You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas

   11:11 I wish- 11:12 OMG I wasn't finished!

   i gotta carry my phone around with me 24/7 just in case nobody texts me

   I have to take a dump, but my iPhone battery life is at 5%

   My favorite color is Nutella.

   Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.

   So let me get this straight. A woman who has fake hair, nails, eyelashes, breasts, lips, buttocks, as well as a fake tan also has the nerve to ask for a real man?

   Facebook would be way cooler if it was on t.v. : “In other news Brian's ex-girlfriend is still a cold, heartless bi%ch. Details at 11″.

   I told everybody at work that I've got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.

   I swear 2012 lasted for like 3 months.

   Who remembers the 3 eyed monkey at the end of Jimmy Neutron that would say "Hi, I'm Paul!"

   Nothing makes me happier at work than walking into the bathroom and all the stalls are empty.

   Think women are the weaker sex? Try pulling the blankets back to your side.

   My girlfriend wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an I'm asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we're not as connected as she'd like. I

   Don't ignore my texts, I know you check your phone 24/7.

   If I don't get enough sleep, I'm tired. If I get too much, I'm tired. And even if I get the right amount, I still need three pots of coffee.

   The strongest drug that exists for a human is another human being.

   How many Mexicans does it take to build a.........oh shi*, they're done.