bego Funny Status Messages

   When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.

   How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?

   Drunk people run stop signs. High people wait for them to turn green.

   I hate when I buy a bag of air and there's chips in it.

   *Home phone rings* Me-Hello Tom-Hey dude where r you (dude r you stupid,,,u called my home number nd you asking me where I am.....wtf)

   The condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of my job for a week every month!"The tampon replies, "yeah? And when you don't do your damn job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!!"

   *teacher textes student* "dear student, I know you're texting. no one would be looking a their crotch and smiling"

   Today, an insect settled on my monitor. Being lazy, I tried waving my mouse at it, but it wouldn't move. So I loaded a picture of Justin Bieber. Worked like a charm.

   ''Are you free tomorrow?'' No, i'm expensive.

   By the super powers vested in me... I can now pronounce you deleted on fb and blocked if I want to.

   Hand Sanitizer... the best way to find invisible cuts for over 10 years now!

   To all my Facebook Friends.....If you are over 20 years old and know the name to a Justin Bieber OR DAMN a Lady Gaga song, PLEASE Delete me as a friend....I don't think I wanna be friends with you!!!

   If a transvesite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half Milk?

   people will damn believe anything if you whisper it.

   I just watch a damn naked Chinese man run into a wall at full speed with a hard on. He broke his nose.

   Sometimes you want someone so bad, youll tell yourself lies &hope they come true.

   In the beginning of a relationship the men go into it thinking this might be fun...and the women go into it thinking this might be the one.

   A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

   How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murd.r for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.

   Just Unfriended a Facebook Friend on their Birthday… that takes TRUE GRIT!