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aaron Funny Status Messages
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Page: 11 of 46
Call off the search for Waldo. I think this large man on the bus, wearing a red and white striped hat, ate him.
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10-06-2010 12:05 by
Aaron
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I was escorted out of the funeral before I was done high fiving everyone.
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10-06-2010 12:09 by
Aaron
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I hate how the iPhone auto-corrects "f**k that" to "yes, dear".
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10-06-2010 12:09 by
Aaron
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I am imperfection perfected.
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10-06-2010 13:11 by
Aaron
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The computer just crashed and erased all the work I didn't do this morning.
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10-06-2010 13:40 by
Aaron
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Just entered hour nine of an overly-dramatic sigh.
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10-07-2010 11:22 by
Aaron
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If at first you don't succeed, try relaxing your jaw a little more.
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10-07-2010 11:27 by
Aaron
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Lumber companies have a lot of board meetings..
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10-07-2010 12:46 by
Aaron
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I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
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10-07-2010 18:18 by
Aaron
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Turns out cloud 10 is actually the accumulated farts of everyone on cloud 9.
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10-07-2010 21:32 by
Aaron
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I hate to brag, but it's the most effortless way to enlighten people about my magnificence.
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10-07-2010 22:01 by
Aaron
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bankruptcy spelled with one "oh sh*t" or two?
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10-08-2010 02:04 by
Aaron
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I don't eat nuts at the bar. But I like to run my fingers through them and lick the salt off.
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10-08-2010 02:06 by
Aaron
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I start drinking earlier and earlier everyday... I had to set my alarm this morning.
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10-08-2010 02:06 by
Aaron
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If I was rich, I'd do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
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10-08-2010 02:20 by
Aaron
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Squirrelly, squirrelly on the street--you shoulda been quicker on your feet.
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10-08-2010 12:18 by
Aaron
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"...and if elected, I promise you will never hear from me again..."
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10-08-2010 13:47 by
Aaron
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Headed to Lowe's. After what I just did in the bathroom, it's best we just build another one.
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10-09-2010 16:12 by
Aaron
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My girlfriend talks faster than the speed of sound. This explains why I never hear her.
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10-09-2010 17:06 by
Aaron
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Ha ha there's nobody here. I'm going to steal the internet and sell it on ebay! Oh wait....
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10-10-2010 08:29 by
Aaron
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