MWC Funny Status Messages

   Woke up naked and looking so sexy my shower got turned on.

   I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

   I may have Alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s

   Oh and for all those polar bears are losing their homes because the earth is heating up people ..Tell the polar bears to bring their furry asses to Indiana they will feel right at home

   I was washing my gum and my wife almost put cloths in with my gum !!!!!!! she almost ruined a whole pack !!!!! .........Gonna let it slide cause I love her

   I'm rarely wrong, I mean mistaken.

   Fergison Mo. BLACK FRIDAY GHETTO STYLE!!!!

   I still remember 2014 like it was yesterday!

   You know I got to thinkin about it and I have gotten outta bed 365 days a year for 26 years...... that is 9,490 sit-ups and not ONE ab to show for it....

   If you don't believe in oral sex....then keep your mouth shut!

   Colts..."Who's got big ball's, We got big ball's, we got the biggest balls of them all!!!!

   Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I'm behind you 100%

   If corn oil is made from corn, and olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made of?

   OK which team has the most dreadlocks?

   They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye

   My wife told me I had a great face for radio. That wasn't nice. At least my ex's said nice things about me, they said I was better in bed then most my friends

   I bought an at home do it yourself a$$hole bleeching kit today...it said it contained enough solution to completely bleech one a$$hole...i thought I did it wrong,i was a little upset but i'm all white now

   I'm ready to go mushroom hunting, because I have no morels

   A woman can only run as fast as her boobs let her!

   Remember, everyday is a gift from God. Except Mondays, the Devil sneaks that one in