Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said, “Forget everything you know about kitchen knives.” So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me knives, and I didn't know what they were!

   Car commercials make driving around in empty parking garages look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.

   Just read the entire Michael Jackson will -- turns out the doggone girl is mine.

   I'm hoping one of the new scenes Lucas adds to Star Wars involves Jar Jar being brutally killed

   Bumper stickers from past elections are the tramp stamps of the automobile world.

   Before you get married try walking with your partner through IKEA. If you don't end up in an argument, you're good to go.

   Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it's strapped to the top of someone's car.

   Since today is Labor Day, I am dressing up as a union goon and beating up everyone with a different opinion from mine

   Foot fetishes are for men who don't know what boobs are

   In an interview years later, Prince's former boss Mr. McGee said that he never disliked Prince. He just liked Morris Day better.

   When will the US State Department recognize the Man vs Food nation

   The only way this middle seat could be more uncomfortable is if the in-flight movie were "Your Parents Doing It: A Documentary"

   Just read my daughter's diary & I'm shocked and horrified by her spelling: "Falayshio" "Vycoton" "Kill Prinsaple." It's embarrassing.

   Does anyone know what the other half of the battle is?

   The Mayan Calendar says the world will end on Dec 21, 2012, which really means a lot of babies will be born on Sept 21, 2013.

   I don't think any woman could ever break my heart as much as the prequels to Star Wars did.

   I remember a time when our country put aside its differences and came together as one. To show our contempt for Hollywood awards shows.

   Polls show that if the election were held today...an overwhelming majority of Americans would be very surprised.

   I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.

   "Porn stash" sounds too seedy. I prefer to call it my "Guybrary."