Fazzy Funny Status Messages

   I've had just about enough of the "avocado this", "avocado that" stuff. Somebody please get me a calzone with sausage and pepperoni. 😛

   Math Rock is a term meant to describe music that is complex in rhythmic structure. But in reality, all rock is Math Rock. Some is Calculus, some is Algebra, some is Arithmetic and some is Pre-K Introduction to Numbers.

   I've made some terrible life choices over the years. Just kidding. I'm married and not allowed to make decisions.

   Wisdom: A friend of mine had two small kidney stones. He didn't want surgery so he went to the bathroom and "wisdom" out.

   If I gotta wait a half hour after eating before getting in the pool, let’s face it, I’m never getting in the pool.

   I'm incredulous over the fact that changing the name and picture on a pancake box has yet to result in racial unity.

   What they need in Afghanistan is Larry the Kabul Guy. He'd git 'er done.

   I was gonna cook alligator for dinner, but my stove is broken and all I have is a croc pot.

   Cruises: Floating Golden Corrals with drunk people.

   The first time I ever removed my clothes in front of a woman, she smiled and said it reminded her of an old song. "I asked, "Let It All Hang Out?" She said, "No. The Itsy Bitsy Spider."

   The latest dose of social media insanity comes to us via the TikTok inspired 'Slap A Teacher' Challenge. Good ol' TikTok... where never before has the Lowest Common Denominator been so well represented.

   I tried watching a hockey game last night. I was bored, so I opted for a little more excitement. I switched over to the Fireplace Channel on Netflix.

   As Facebook's rebranded itself as 'META', other entities will be following suit: Airlines: JETA Greece: FETA Prostitution: GETA Gambling: BETA Urologists: WETA Fisheries: NETA Animal Clinics: VETA Boob Jobs: TETA

   Life and beer are very similar... chill for best results.

   When you get to be my age, older women interested in younger men are no longer classified as Cougars. Especially in my case. They're more like Laughing Hyenas.

   Technology will cause our ultimate demise. After mankind destroys itself, the dawn of a new civilization will consist of its early inhabitants creating music by banging bones on logs and blowing their breath through hollow reeds.

   The After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna Lunch: Leftover lasagna Dinner: Leftover lasagna Dessert: Leftover lasagna Beverage: Fresh squeezed leftover lasagna

   You had me at hello. You lost me at your wearing a mask in your car pulling into my driveway.

   Amy Schneider looks like the love child of Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble.

   People up north whine way more about cold winters than we Floridians do about the hot summers. It may have something to do with feminine swimwear.