BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I don't want perfect, I want honesty.

   Before you start telling people lies, make sure they don't already know the truth. Lest you make a fool of yourself.

   I love you too much to avenge what you did to me.

   The moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low.

   Texts that piss me off: 1. Yeah 2. Oh 3. Yup 4. Lol 5. Haha 6. K 7. Nope 8. Chillin 9. Naw

   A relationship where you can act like complete idiots together is the sweetest thing ever.

   Saying “Hey, I just met you, and this is Crazy..” is how I used to introduce my ex to new people.

   My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness.

   I feel confident that Laim Neeson would be there for me if I listed him as my emergency contact.

   Age 11: “I whip my hair back & forth!” Age 27: “I drive my kids back & forth!” Age 72: “I rock my chair back & forth!”

   Bi?ch I didn't text you to exercise my fingers, I want a damn reply

   B-E-F-O-R-E not b4. We speak English not fuc?ing bingo.

   Girls, it's not pretty being easy.

   Facebook: someone added a photo of you.. Me: fu?k

   When somebody sends me a "k" text, I assume they forgot the rest of "fuc_ you", so I make sure to correct them.

   Women... the more attention they get, the more options they seek.

   Today everyone will update about who they chose for president, then tomorrow it will be back to what they chose for lunch.

   All flights to Colorado have been cancelled. The sky is just too foggy.

   I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it.

   At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.