BEGO Funny Status Messages

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ I'm just ready for summer 2013.

   Topless pictures of the Royal Family don't shock me as much as pictures of them doing manual labor would

   Even a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.

   I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I'd like whipped cream on it.

   Black Parents: "When we get in this Restaurant you 8, OKAY?" Son: But mama I'm 12 . Mom: *SMACK* "Listen Here, Yo a$s is 8 you hear me?!"

   Obama probably called Romney and said "I don't see how you can hate from outside the White House, you can't even get in.

   Get a big metal box, label it "TIME CAPSULE" and take a big dump in it so people know what 2012 was like.

   Women: the only problem I don't mind "wrestling" with.

   Remember before the internet when people ate food and didn't need to tell everyone about it?

   Whoever put "good" and "morning" together deserves a good slap in the face.

   Sometimes people who joke around the most have the least to laugh about.

   Be your own best friend. Everyone will be jealous.

   Technology is creating all kinds of new psychological problems. Losing a cell phone can put almost anyone into a panic attack, followed shortly by separation anxiety disorder.

   Relationship Advice: The person with the longest text message response time has the upper hand.

   I miss being able to slam my phone shut when I hang up on somebody. Violently pressing "end call" just doesn't do it for me.

   I'm ready for hoodies, bonfires, cuddling, and the beautiful colors of fall.

   Mentally preparing yourself to step out of the shower during winter.

   The problem isn't government assistance for people who need it. The problem is government assistance for people just because they can get it.

   Taco Bell sells tacos. Whataburger sells burgers. Chicken Express sells chicken. Panda Express are lying basta?ds!

   I accidentally bumped into my ex today... with my car... at 60mph... on purpose.