Funny Status Messages

   Our parents would tell us when they were young they had to walk to school uphill both ways! Nowadays I tell my kids when I was young I used to play outside!

   I see my ex is now on facebook and is married with children. Well one man's trash is another man

   see my ex is now on facebook and is married with children. Well one man's trash is another man's recyclable.

   I'm seeing alot of couple getting joint facebook accounts and call them for example "JohnandJaneDoe". Ah, nothing says love like I don't trust you to have your own facbeook page. So, lets get one together so we can keep tabs on each other Dear.

   just sharpening a pencil to make a point.

   My vacuum cleaner bag says to change every 30-60 days. Here, I always thought it was 30-60lbs...

   If your on a dating website and didn't post a picture of yourself. It should be mandatory to disclose the amount of teeth you will show up with in you mouth on the first date.

   wondering about Over under on the WikiLeak punk 'making friends' with his prison cell mate? I'll open the line at 1 month.

   With Ireland having a trouble these days, I say we should come up with a St Pattys Day in December. All profits will go to bail out Ireland!

   I am obsessed with Morgan Freeman's voice. I want him to narrate my inner monologue.

   This vacuum has amazing suction, but no respect for my safe word.

   its Wednesday...How about a mercy hump?

   If I ever win the lottery, the first thing I'm doing with my winnings is hiring Morgan Freeman to read me bedtime stories.

   "Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison."

   Mother Nature is blowing everyone tonight.

   Sarcasm is a dish best served instantly.

   Girls have more guy friends because they cause less drama

   Easy Bake Oven, Teaching Girls Their Place Since 1963

   I hate when girls show there muffin top and still think there sexy

   The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.