moon Funny Status Messages

   2022 is going to be my year, I can just feel it!

   Happy 2021 New Year to all of you who will be staying home in your pajamas eating snacks on New Year's Eve, just like any other year.

   Why should I trust the toothpaste recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists when they're the ones who make money fixing people's teeth?

   If you are ever wondering who your real friends are, delete your Facebook account and see who calls.

   In the summer it was to hot outside now it's to cold outside to take the Christmas lights down.

   For Sale. Slightly used Christmas tree. Prefer to do socially distance exchange and will place in front of house for you pickup. Leave money in neighbor's mailbox.

   Whenever I email a girl I like with my old flip phone I always make sure to finish it off by writing "Sent by IPhone 5G Mobile Device" so she thinks I'm hip.

   Whoever said "Rome wasn't built in a day" needed to log out of Facebook.

   Whoever said "Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today" knew how to log out of facebook.

   To all 6 of you who like the jokes I post, I do it all for you!

   Find the man strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn't care if it's on your legs.

   So who's ready for the holiday for singles the day after Saint Valentine's Day! You know 50% off cake and candy day.

   Before there was Facebook and Twitter there was "As World Turns" and "The Days of Our Lives" for cusip.

   Her: What sign are you most attracted to? Me: The Dunkin Donuts sign.

   Hate how my automatic spell checker turns sentences like "I'd be happy to work for you" into "I'd be happy to twerk for you" which would be great if I was looking for a job as a Chippendale dancer.

   To all my secret admirers. With Valentine's Day just around the corner if you'd like some candy and flowers it's too expensive for you to reveal yourself now, but maybe next year!

   A clean house and finish projects is the sign of someone who hasn't looked at Facebook in a while.

   "Your The Only One For Me" Valentine's Day cards on sale 2 for $5 just seems wrong, totally wrong.

   If you want to know why Paul McCartney never invited Ringo to dinner, he wouldn't share the drumsticks.

   Did you hear about the new squirrel diet? It's just nuts.