goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   Signing off, my Wife says I need to finish my bath. Peace out Peeps

   Teach me to fish...With the price of fishing licences, it would be cheaper to just buy the little b@stards!

   there anything worse than being in a quiet break-room with someone eating something crunchy?

   Friendly Advice: If you run out of Chapstick, just use chicken sh!t. It doesn't help your chapped lips, but it keeps you from licking them.

   Hey FB friend, the only time I've acknowledged you ever was thirty seconds after I accepted your friend request I scanned through your photos with negative results.

   Like if you ever had High School friends hook you up that worked at fast food places.

   I currently have six quarters jingling in my front left pocket designated as "spares".

   I almost caused an accident trying to open a piece of candy. Can you imagine dying over a Lemon Starburst? #ultimatefail

   It's fend for yourself night and you know what that means...cold cereal for dinner.

   Liking and commenting on the same status, gives me a false sence of notification.

   ...but where I come from, rain is a good thing.

   Nothing says "SEXY" like your woman holding two fishing poles and a tackle box saying "Let's go!".

   Like if you remember the "yellow isle" at the local grocery store.

   Dear McDonalds, Just to let you know, the first 60 seconds I obtain my French Fries they are like a box of fried deliciousness. However, after 61 seconds, they suddenly turn into rubber sticks of sh!t. Work on that

   Today is one of those days you want to crank the AC down to 68 and watch Braveheart.

   Dear Tylenol, as a Father, I can respect the fact that you make your products child-proof. However, as a consumer with a splitting headache, I hate your fricken guts 'cause I can't open the damn packet with my fingers...

   Common scence is knowing the chocolate bar I left in my work truck all day would be a melted mess. Starvation would be eating it anyways.

   I'm 7 1/2 hours into my 8hour workday, from here on out my payroll is for me and my family. You're welcome America!

   Dear Parents, do your job, and quit having other people make your decisions for you. Buy your damn kids a dog without posting for likes. -The Whole Damn Internet

   1.5% of my Chapstick is lost because I shave a little off every time I put the cap back on.