g0re Funny Status Messages

   It'd be really weird if animals were like pokemon in that they said their names instead of making sounds. So instead of going "Meow" a cat would walk around going "CAAAAAAT CAAAAAT! CATCATCATCAT!"

   It's awkward when a sentence doesn't end the way you octopus.

   It sucks when you walk into a room, and you can't remember what you went in there for, so then you leave, then a few minutes later you remember that you're a fireman, and a bunch of people just died.

   We all have that face when we try to look happy when we open a birthday card with no money.

   The 5 biggest lies ever told: "I'm fine","Seriously, I don't like anyone", "I swear that was my last piece of gum","I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions", and "I left my homework at home, I swear I did it!"

   Elementary math problems are weird."'I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9 What do I have now?'" Oh, I don't know, DIABETES MAYBE."

   2013: The year the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section to comedy.

   It would be awesome to go back to kindergarten as a 5 year old with all the knowledge you currently have and completely dominate.

   My son just spoke his first words to me: 'Dad, where the f**k have you been the last 20 years?!' It was so cute.

   We all have that one facebook friend that acts like it's their job to keep everyone updated on the weather, current events, and other meaningless sh!t with their status.

   A dislike button on facebook would be cool at first, but it would eventually just cause a lot of controversy and drama. Especially if you could dislike peoples entire profiles. That would not go well..

   How many teenage girls does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to each take 200 photos of the event for facebook, clog up your news feed, and later on edit the pictures to black and white.

   Ok, I get it. You want to talk to me! But that doesn't mean that you have to send me 4 texts 8 missed calls, a facebook chat, and a facebook message. I wil respond eventually to one simple text. Go buy some patience on E-bay.

   There is always this person on Facebook who thinks he/she can teach you the meaning of life in a two sentence status and you're like'Deep, real deep''.

   Saying, "Comment and like the pic please!" on Facebook is no different than saying, "Please make my self- esteem go up"

   It looks like your supermarket is dressing up as Christmas for Halloween.

   If two girls wear the same costume for Halloween, they are officially enemies for the day.

   Its strange to think that decades from now, people might be dressing like US for Halloween, like they do for flappers, or hippies.

   Welcome to America:You can be the valedictorian of your class, go to college, get a Doctorate's Degree, get a really good job, and you're still not going to make as much each year as Snooki.

   Excuse me, teenage girl? You're not"cool and outspoken" when you go up to random people and say things like,"I hate your haircut," or "Your style is bad," You're a b!tch who deliberately hurts people's feelings in an attempt to get attention.