Snotty Funny Status Messages

   There's got to be ALOT of pressure on Adele's new boyfriend to treat her like sh*t.

   In order to catch a cab,,,,, one must think like a cab first.

   You see,,, Once you start making Freudian slips, you can't stop,,, it's just one after a mother.

   If I ever saw an amputee being hanged,,,,, I'm pretty sure I'd just start yelling out letters

   Ever wonder how many of your friends are jerks? Just post something with a typo in it..... It's like their mating call.

   Benadryl -- the $7 babysitter.

   I'm surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I've dropped my phone.

   Pizza Hut is selling a pizza with hotdogs in the crust???... Aren't the type of people who order this,, the same people who aren't able to waddle quick enough to answer the door?

   Ummm,,, I just tried to make a donation to the "Tourette Syndrome Foundation" in England,,,,, and they told me to Sod off.

   You know,,, The first rule of redundancy club, is the first rule of redundancy club.

   We have a very small hen house door,,,So you've probably guessed already...Sorry,, no fat chicks

   I wish I had a dollar, for every dollar I don't have.

   Spelling bees think they're better than the illiterate bees.......... ( Sorry, I'll just let myself out..)

   NEWS: Scientists discover that doves can't cry............ Prince stripped of high school diploma.......

   Right before I die, I'm getting my hand stamped,,,,, Just in case I wanna come back in again.

   I want an app. that tells me if my post sucked,, or my timing did.

   My Superpower is always picking a shopping cart with "the one crapped-up wheel" ..... Anyone wanna help me design a costume?

   Please take the time to get to know me via my Facebook page. I think you'll like what you find. For example, I can type.

   I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've said it before and I'll say it again.

   I went to walmart today... I got the cart with three wheels and a hoof.... This always happens to me.