Hiyourjon Funny Status Messages

   "The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.

   I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.

   The Obamacare website doesn't work, just like most of the people who voted for Obama.

   It's Saturday night, which means I am higher than the national debt.

   No, YOU seem to be around whenever there's trouble, officer.

   Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.

   what idiot named it erectile dysfunction instead of ballzheimer's

   What idiot named it toilet paper instead of crapkins

   Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.

   Justin Bieber wants to take Paul Walkers place in the new Fast and Furious film. Why doesn't he take his place in the car accident instead?

   Walmart calls it the "self checkout" line. I call it the "I'm not going to pay for all of this" line.

   I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts "Batman" when he's drunk. I know I do.

   Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.

   Sorry I set up a smoke machine and played The Undertaker's theme song at your grandmother's funeral.

   My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white man who looked nothing like me. So I totally get it now. Oh wait that's not my waiter.

   i saw an ad on craigslist once that said “free firewood, you collect it” so I wrote to the guy and said “bud you just wrote an ad for the woods”

   Why the hell is a group of Kangaroos NOT called a Kangacrew?

   Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Starbucks: 47 pictures.

   How do you get a fat girl to sleep with you? Oh c'mon guys... It's a piece of cake!

   The Patriots defensive coverage today is almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.