Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Who cares about threats over the internet. You can't be a bada*s with a keyboard. Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics, even if you win you're still retarded.

   You're so creative taking pictures of your face in 11 different angles with your phone. How do you do it??

   They got chicken-flavored doggy treats..ok...how does a dog know what a chicken is? He might like it if you give it to him, but he's not gonna say "Oh good I was hoping we was gonna have chicken again"

   [Dear Teen/Young Adult/Rapper Who Sags Their Pants]: Do you even know the origin of that fashion statement?

   If your nuts happen to itch while in public, best way is to scratch it from the inside of your pants pocket.

   Me: "What was your major in college?" Friend: "I'm majoring in Debtology and Unemployconomics. Sure is a lot of students in the classes."

   Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend's status changes to "In a relatiobship"....You: (Damn). A week later, their status changes back to "Single"....You: (Hahahahahahaha!)

   If you want to lose "friends"....tell the truth.

   1-800-You~Wish.....To chat with hot, sexy girls in your area you'll never see or touch.

   NAMES: I bet you 10 times out of 10, guys with names like Ricky, Vinnie. Tony, Eddie will beat the sh*t out of guys with names like Kyle, Blaine, Brent, Cecil

   Time lives forever so how can the Mayans predict Time when Time existed long before they even started to make a calender....That's like Snooki saying she'll look hot 103 years from now.

   I'm going to open a gym on January 1, 2012 and call it "Irony Fitness." It 's only going to be open for two months.

   When people say to me, "I don't have time", I ask them then why are you still alive.

   Wouldn't be nice to see if there is an alien on a far away planet that acts exactly like you do.

   "I'm not like most girls." ~ Most girls

   Hey, I'm your friend, I'm two-faced, and I wouldn't mind backstabbing you one day...because that's what all of the friends do am I right...

   Excellent! My prediction of the millions of "Merry Christmas" status updates is coming along perfectly. Now all I need is a million "Happy New Years" status updates and my goals of knowing the obvious will be complete.

   It's interesting how people claim to love/like their jobs, but ready to go home as soon as they get in the door.

   I would like to give a big shout out to all the pissed off kids who only get one set of presents a year because their birthday is too close to Christmas.

   The only people mad at you for speaking the TRUTH are the ones living a LIE.