randizzle Funny Status Messages
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I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die
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09-16-2009 13:18 by randizzle
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n't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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09-29-2009 09:46 by randizzle
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Men expecting regular women to act like porn stars is similar to women expecting men to act like the sensitive hunks in romantic comedies.
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01-26-2010 16:39 by randizzle
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There is no I in UGLY but there is a U!
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02-23-2010 15:17 by randizzle
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Yes I know that "IMHO" means "In my humble opinion." In my humble opinion you are calling yourself a ho every time I read it.
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03-31-2010 10:45 by Randizzle
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Those 7 dwarfs mine 100 karat diamonds all day and still live in a $hitty little cottage. What the hell are they saving up for?
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03-31-2010 10:48 by Randizzle
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I wonder if tennis ballboys brag about their "gets" to each other. "You see that? I grabbed the $hit out of that ball! School's in session, boys. I am lightning!"
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03-31-2010 10:49 by Randizzle
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I'm always caught a little off guard when an airport security checkpoint worker shows symptoms of having a personality.
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03-31-2010 10:52 by Randizzle
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At the end of each work day, I have a strong urge to sidekick the elevator down button, suppressed only by my desire to maintain employment
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03-31-2010 10:53 by Randizzle
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I've learned that if you say you're a bad liar, you can pretty much lie about anything.
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03-31-2010 14:24 by Randizzle
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I'm pretty sure if I washed my face like the girls on face wash commercials, my roommates would be really pissed about the puddles all over the bathroom floor.
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03-31-2010 14:29 by Randizzle
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Sometimes I give my kids random punishments and when they ask why I tell them, "You know what you did!" When they don't argue back I know it was justified.
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03-31-2010 14:31 by Randizzle
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To the producers of Tylenol cherry-flavored cough syrup, HAVE you ever tasted a cherry before??
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03-31-2010 14:51 by Randizzle
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I can only listen to you cybergripe about your problems for so long before I expect a pic of your boobs as payment for my services.
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04-05-2010 11:32 by Randizzle
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I remember when the phrase "I'm completely bald" only referred to your head.
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04-05-2010 11:32 by Randizzle
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It disturbs me that my boss, the guy who controls whether or not I keep my job, has one of those magic 8 balls on his desk.
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04-05-2010 11:33 by Randizzle
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When a girl gives me a hug, my hands envy my chest.
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04-05-2010 11:33 by Randizzle
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The nutritional facts on a box should just tell you the amount of exercise needed to burn off what you're about to eat.
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04-07-2010 16:01 by Randizzle
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I appreciate that Motel 6 will leave the light on for me, because otherwise, I'm certain I would be murdered in their parking lot.
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07-09-2010 13:16 by randizzle
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If only those tight shirts with the bedazzled wings on the back that some guys wear would allow them to fly far, far away, the world just might be a better place.
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07-09-2010 13:17 by randizzle
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