eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   I want to tell you about my dream last night. I don't understand it. It was Greek to me....Έχετε λάβει η στιγμή να μεταφράσει αυτό το όνειρο; έχετε ανάγκη από βοήθεια.

   Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!

   Change is good..especially if you wear diapers!

   I have just finished my thesis: "Pyrotechnics Lead to prosthetics". Keep all your digits safe! Happy 4th!!

   ‎*disclamer* no animals were harmed in the crafting of this status update. Stunt doubles were substituted and all theories were tested on a closed course.

   AD for PAPER DELIVERY PERSON: Must like early mornings, must own beater car/truck with squealing breaks and NO muffler or sound supression what so ever!! Ability to drive with one knee a plus!!

   Has a theory: If grocery stores just paint the cart returns with handicap blue and build it out of curbing. Then everyone would put their buggies there!

   streaming Netflix's through a Blackberry tandem modem. Please don't call. The good part is coming up!!

   I just returned a Rug Dr to Lowes. When asked if it worked ok I responded, "Yep got up all the blood and evidence as promised. I would recommend it to anyone"!

   Q: What does an elephant use for tampons? A: Sheep

   I think the only people that can use a disposable razor and NOT cut themselves are people that have been to prison!

   wonders if birds have a national MAYDAY sytem in place when they know their going to crash?!?!

   I am rotating the tire on my unicycle!

   Then the Mermaid looked at me and kissed me.. I stopped her & said, " I can't"...."Something smells fishy here"

   I want to be a comedian so bad but I am afraid they will all laugh at me!

   Stevie Wonder's Twitter update was hilarious. it said," ahdshewsd€yts".

   I like my ice at room temperature.

   Last women I hooked up with at the retirement home told me, "If you break it you buy it"! You know what that hip replacement cost me??

   The devil and I go way back. It all started that day we were playing with matches!

   Stans' Rule #39: When showering at a guest house and your not 100% sure about the towel, DON'T dry your face. Doing so may lead to resentful feelings of said guest!