abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   “Even in a happy relationship, it's seems to be possible to have a wandering eye or even crave affection from another person.

   AbbyBaby Kurt New pregnancy test for black woman was just released on the market. Insert banana in vagina, then remove after 10seconds. If banana is half missin, there's another monkey on the way!!!

   if you are reading this status between 7AM and 5 PM--Get a Job!! OR-- Get back to WORK!!

   They should make Jack Daniels chap stick

   Hey West Coast, it's the East Coast. We checked it out for you, and today isn't worth getting up for. Go ahead and sleep in.

   You're so annoying you should just wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry."

   If you shut off the Internet in the US, we'd overthrow the government within hours.

   Telling me to calm down is the only guaranteed way to piss me off.

   Nobody's phone is ever off. They're lying.

   I just got a text from a wrong number that said "I think my ex is stalking my friends"... so I replied back "No I'm not."

   Getting 3 inches of snow per hour. My front yard looks like Charlie Sheen's coffee table.

   I wish some people could actually see their personality when they look in a mirror.

   Damn!! My internet is running slower than a turtle with 3 broken legs and a massive head injuty--doesn't it know that I am a FB addict?

   When the I in "I love you" becomes more important than the "you," the word in the middle just fades away.

   My wife and I have are talking about renewing our vows. Or as I like to call it, getting a double life sentence.

   If you got attacked by a bunch of homeless people would you be bummed?

   Dear Tostitos, make your dip jars shorter and wider so your chips can actually fit inside them. Thanks

   Thank you music, for being there when no one else was.

   I'm about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings

   There should be a 5 second rule when girls start to cry where you can take what you just said back.