SMS Funny Status Messages

   <Rages against the vending machine

   3 Pints of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, a wrench, and handcuffs made out of Twizzlers. I'm ready for bootycall Friday night to begin!

   He's dead... But look! Hundreds of bright copper kettles, warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up in string! Someone was after a few of this guy's favorite things.

   There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman. - Groundskeeper Willie

   Warning: Spelling errors in this message are the product of a poor school system. Pay teachures more than athletes.

   The opinions expressed here are not those of my employer, my wife, my church, or myself... But they are the opinions of Elvis as revealed to me through the medium of my pet hamster, Lee Harvey Oswald...

   Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.

   APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.

   Sometimes I think that if there were a third sex, men wouldn't get so much as a glance from me.

   Captain's log, stardate 41358.2. I am nailed to the hull.

   The bad guys don't always wear black hats, the good guys rarely win, and the cavalry never, ever shows up just in the nick of time!

   The Lawyer's Creed: "A man is innocent until proven broke."

   When I was young, we didn't have MTV. We had to take drugs and go to rock concerts.

   Actually officer, if you factor in the earth's rotation, we were all speeding.

   am not single, I'm romantically challenged.

   Always remember to pillage before you burn.

   Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents

   Never weed wack poison ivy in the nude.

   You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.

   We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart.