SEAN Funny Status Messages

   Don't buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...

   "Don't buy condoms at BP gas stations. They may burst and result in a leak..."

   my 2nd wind seems to be fanning the fire of the candle I am burning at both ends

   Dear washing machine, I am all for fighting breast cancer, in-fact I have offered to be a buddy for the buddy check, but turning my socks pink… Come on!

   Words to live by: If your outflow is greater than your income, then your up-keeps guna be your downfall

   Dear makers of Cialis, when I reach middle age and find myslef needing your product, contrary to the advice you offer about calling a doctor if you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, I can assure you that I will be calling a film crew instead

   I often view the Thanksgiving table as a roulette table, something about potato salad and macaroni salad made by people that don't like me makes me think I would be safer in Vegas betting the house and car

   Reasons why Alcohol should be served at work...its an incentive to show up

   Earlier today I got a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.I told them to kiss my a$$. Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving..lol

   Some relatives are like seeing Santa; you only care to see them once a year.

   Some women should just come with talk plans like my cell phone, because after to much conversation my MIND starts roaming!

   Dear Hillbilly from AR on the news last night, I am sure that all the dead birds in your town were not from Aliens invading earth, I'm positive that if invaders have the technology to come to Earth and wanted to scare you, throwing birds at you would no

   My New Years Resolution is to have as much fun as I can regret

   Apparently it is frowned upon to walk into a bank yelling “It's my Money and I want it now!” Thanks a lot J.G Wentworth

   likes to applaud inanimate objects just to see if they react 

   People at work always ask me, Sean- how can you stand to sit so close to that space heater, you have to be burning up- I tell them I was married once and enjoyed the time I spent in Hell

   It's easier to wear the buckle than it is to ride the bull, I have no fear about slapping my girl on the ass and calling her by the wrong name just to see how long I can hang on. Gota love rodeo sex!

   Man that Bears loss hurt me more than my divorce

   Im so tired of this winter and snow that I rigged a gasoline can to my leaf blower, I'm on a mission now to melt all the snow so I can mow later

   Life Lesson 585: I should write a book about things not to say: Like, it is very unwise for someone to tell a lady struggling with a diet that they would actually loose 10lbs by shaving their back hair. The doctors tell me I should be able to walk again