Rickster Funny Status Messages

   The last time I bought a Christmas tree the sales person said “are you going to put that up yourself?” I thought, that is strange. No, I’m just gonna put it up in the living room

   I can tell if someone is judgmental just by looking at them

   I was so mad at my parents when I found out Santa wasn’t real, I stormed out of the house, got in my car and just drove and drove.

   I don't like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

   There are millions of children starving in Africa. IHOP has a sign that says "kids eat free". So build an IHOP in Africa. Problem solved.

   Christmas is really kind of weird. “Let’s all sit around a dead tree in the living room and eat candy out of our socks”

   I don’t believe all of this stuff about GMOs being bad for you. I just had a leg of salmon and it was delicious!

   I started out this year with a goal of losing 30 pounds and I only missed it by 35 pounds

   I thought I liked movies but it turns out I just like eating candy in dark rooms where no one can talk to me

   I think I’ve finally perfected the art of silent criticism, though you wouldn’t know it

   My grief counselor just died. I really don’t care. I guess we made progress.

   If you're over 18 but under 21 and are arrested for drinking alcohol, you can be charged as an adult for being under aged.

   I have electile dysfunction. I’m not aroused by any of the candidates

   They should release the movie Groundhog Day under the name Groundhog Day 2 and call it a sequel

   Dove chocolates taste way better than their soap

   I think we have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?

   Please create a password. Your password must contain a capital letter, and number, a special character, and emoji, eight elements of the periodic table and a short story with a protagonist, character development and a plot twist at the end

   I always confuse reptiles and amphibians. OK to be honest, neither one knows what I’m talking about.

   Question of the day: If you could stop this virus and save everyone or have Bill Gates money, what color would your Lamborghini be?

   This quarantine got me thinking… What did our parents do to pass time before the Internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and none of them knew either.