Reznor Funny Status Messages

   Was just informed that Turkeys cant fly. Thats messed up! All those times hunting and I was looking up!!

   Just had sex with a Prostitute who had only one eye. Told her I might see her again. She said shed keep an eye out for me.

   I am in the process of writing a new country song for someone special....... Its called "If I woulda shot you sooner, Id be outta prison by now."

   My wife and my girlfriend both said on their status that they are going to go live in Brazil for a few months. Is there something I should know about???????

   I wish Google could tell me where my T.V. remote is right now.

   My girlfriend wants something with lots of diamonds for Valentine's Day. She is going to love this deck of cards!

   I just read that having sex burns just as much calories as running 4 miles. Who the f@&k runs 4 miles in 30 seconds?

   When I was a kid, I remember trying to stay up all night until the sun came up was such a challenge and so cool. Now its almost a ritual and dreaded.

   What has 75 balls and screws little old ladies? Bingo

   By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks shes wrong.

   One of the best feelings in the world is when you hug someone you love and they pepper spray you.

   If being sarcastic burned calories, Id look like half of an Olsen Twin.

   Dear ladies: If you're tired of guys staring at your boobs, just turn around. We like asses too.

   Ghetto word of the day: Detest. Usage: That ho be trippin. I aint her baby daddy! I gotta go take detest on Maury!

   Ahhhh My Facebook wall filled with pics of new lap tops, cellphones, cameras and countless trips to the tattoo parlor. There is either a sale at Walmart or its Tax time in America!

   Drinks: $80. Dinner: $75. The room: $250. The look on his face when she says "I'm on my period": Priceless.

   Happy Mushy-Card-Nasty-Candy-in-a-Heart-Shaped-Box-Big-Balloon-That-Barely-Fits-in-Your-Car-And-You-Can't-See-to-Back-Up-$75-Rose s-That-Can-be-Bought-Tomorrow-for-$20-but-Must-be-Sent-to-"Prove"-Your-Love-Stand-In-Line-for-Two-Hours-to-Eat Day!! <HATE

   Roses are red. Rotting flesh is green. When the dead start to rise, I want you on my team!!!!

   Since I cant afford the gas to go on vacation anytime soon, I'm gonna drink until I dont know where I am!

   Ive been to the good side. The cookies were stale.