Jitney Funny Status Messages

   That ackward moment when you send a specific text to the wrong person.

   I never even saw what we were running from...... She finally stop to catch her breath, so I tried to asked her what we was running from?......She yelled and took off running again, so I did too.

   Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? I pulled up next to this chick in the car putting on mascara and it just didnt look right with those yellow teeth!

   My famly takes monopoly very serious. Everyone brings their own calculator cuz we dont trust any Bankers since the bailout!

   I'm hearing Fight's breaking out over new pairs of Jordan's shoe at Mall's across the country. um...there's no punchline to this, just people getting punched in line!

   Years from now, when our kids asks what's Myspace..."come sit on grandpa's lap and let me tell you about the good ol' computer days.... Once upon a time there was Myspace started by Tom, and then there wasn't. THE END".

   #MANRULE!!! No man should moan during sex no matter how good it feels...

   Being single sucks.....especially when all 3 of your roommates date moaners...

   If a ex-wife is laying in your bed, gasping for air and calling out your name, then you might want to hold the pillow down some more.

   Please do not start naming your future newborn "blue Ivy", yellow mustard, dark orchid, pastel white, purple rain, orange caramel or anything that don't make sense; we already hav ppl named after cars(Mercedes, Infinite, Camry, Alexis).

   Rich people can get away with it......Not Section 8.

   the only bad thing about having a great status comment....you dont get the credit...lol but you get the likes.

   You can fix everyone's problems, but when it comes to you, you're lost.

   I hate it when the people who owe me money post about how much they got back from the IRS..............

   would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids.

   There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but to catch them, you must first become a Master Baiter. :))

   In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King I will be marching 12 miles to work today in the middle of the street....

   I have a dream, that I could just get paid for having a dream.

   You know you are addicted to Facebook when you log off Facebook..... turn your computer off.... go to bed, roll over & put the covers on you and log onto your Facebook from your phone one last time for the night.

   Heat Fans on Fire....... "Sorry, what you said honey? You screwing my neighbor....oh ok, I'll talk to you after the game!"