Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Be comfortable in your own skin, only serial killers are comfortable in other people's skin.

   Serendipity - When an empty glass and a bottle of booze cross paths.

   Ladies; Your eyebrows will either make you or break you.

   Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg? If you want to know the answer, order both off the menu and see which one comes first.

   Ladies: Trust me, nice guys are all around you, it's just that the a$$holes are blockin your view.

   Tomorrow is 11/11/11. This day only comes once every 100 years so go out there and do something crazy and make it memorable.

   Lazy rule: Can't reach it. Don't need it.

   Seeking other people's approval is disapproving yourself.

   I don't have a drinking problem. I have a stopping problem.

   Sometimes when I cut my toenails, I leave them all over the floor just in case ants need to use them as swords when they are at war.

   "Police! Open the door!" ... "Will you promise not to get mad?"

   I don't need anger management... I need people to stop talking to me when I wake up.

   Sorry for drunk texting you again last night. I assure you that I didn't mean what I said, unless you feel the same way

   It's Friday, Saturday's less hungover neighbor.

   At 11:11 AM and PM today. It will be 11-11-11 11 11 and that doesn't mean sh!t. Carry on with your day folks.

   Two chicks in one untagged Facebook profile picture? The account belongs to the ugly one.

   Want to surprise your girlfriend? Introduce her to your wife.

   No matter how fast you run, michael myers will walk faster.

   I'm a member of the CSI - “Can't. Stand. Idiots.”

   Turns out that button in the elevator with the fireman's hat on it... is not the button you push if you want a fireman's hat.