AZ Funny Status Messages

   I'm not an economist, but I think I could make a lot of money selling drugs.

   all of my recipes for success end up with me on the floor eating cheese

   Don't ask me for advice my answer is always get them drunk.

   There is an elegance, and an art, to being beautifully broken

   I went to an orphanage and not a single orphan was singing. I assume that's why they're still there.

   On a cold night, to make a campfire, all you need is a match, kerosine, and a baby.

   Looking for pornography? Type literally any letter into my search bar

   Make librarians cry by calling it a "Book Museum" while taking pictures with your iPad.

   My first thought upon waking up in the morning is "fuuuuck, not again."

   Some things are better left unsaid, but I'm probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.

   First they came for the communists and I didn't speak out. Since then everything's been pretty good, plus no communists!

   "40 is the new 20!" - math teacher who's about to be fired

   Time moves forward, things change. It can be hard. On the upside, there'll be way less dudes wearing the jacket from Drive this Halloween.

   As a fan of hard sci-fi, I did not enjoy "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"

   Cryogenically freeze yourself until they discover a cure for male pattern baldness.

   Don't eat glass. Trust me on this one

   Francis Bean is 21 years old. Sleep on that, universe.

   You'd think when a movie lists the cast "In Order of Appearance", they'd go from best-looking to ugliest but no...

   I never trust the emotional stability of women who wear Mickey Mouse shirts.

   For every one text I send my mother, I have to send 4 more texts explaining what it means