Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Martin L King ... Looted nothing, Burned nothing, Attacked .... NO ONE ....... Yet ... CHANGED THE WORLD. Time for people to wake up ..... It's the mind ... Not the emotions that holds the power. 
The Constitution is Good
Flat screens are nice and all, but they'll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Look UPS chick, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to always have their pants on.
If General Mattis runs for president in the next election, will his campaign slogan be "Mad Dog 2020"?
Why I hate House Hunters. Amy is a housewife works on her art all day, her husband Abe manages a Taco Bell. Abe: Our budget is $4 million
Looks like the Healthcare bill vote may be delayed so Nancy Pelosi can read it this time
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
I see myself as one day being an old man in an assisted living facility crushing my pill cups with my bare hands to impress the nurses.
Has it occurred to ANYONE that if you can organize that many people to protest, you can organize that many people to clean up you community and get rid of the criminal element causing the problem? Where's that rally?
Whoa whoa, calm down Swiffer commercials, you're just a wet paper towel on a stick .
Hey, If American women are outraged at a presidential candidate's use of Naughty words .... Who the heck bought those ... 80 MILLION COPIES OF 50 SHADES OF GREY????
If your boyfriend remembers your eye colour after the first date, then you probably have small B**Bs
It must be awkward when GPS tells gay people to go straight
If intelligent people don't start procreating faster than the trash in “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” we're all heading towards a very dismal future. Am I the only one seeing this?
The gas pedal is my therapist.
And for all of you who are Telepathic...............
You want to save a shtiload of money next Black Friday??? Stay Home!!!
Nothing makes me want to leave a web page more than a popup window saying, "Are you sure you want to leave this page?"
You know its true love when she makes you wanna stop deleting your browser history. 