Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Blind side- Letting people know that kidnapping is profitable

   needs to get help for alcoholism NOW...wonder where I should go.

   you know what they say about black jokes... if you have heard one then you heard jemal

   serial killers are a dime a dozen, if you want to really get noticed your gonna have to include a little canabalism

   Sometimes we make love with our eyes, sometimes we make love with our hands, sometimes we make love with our bodies, but we always we make love with our hearts.

   A nutsack is a guy's Christmas Ornament from God.

   This night m'lady and I will intertwine our love in the haunting glow of the moon, and maybe she'll let me stick it in her pooper.

   Trump just told the prime minister of Japan why a country of samurai warriors did not shoot down the N. Korea missiles. This is better than any reality show, LOL!

   I already lived through a war started on false pretenses to keep a party in power.

   A woman should know how to look like a girl, how to act like a lady, how to think like a man." :)

   n't it ironic that I have to use my driver's license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive?

   A new Lego store opened in my town. People were really excited about it. They were lined up for blocks.

   there some unwritten rule that Interstate construction needs to last 30 years?

   angry,she caught Chlamydia from a bicycle seat

   all your status messages are belong to us

   Hey, guess what me and Rudy Giuliani have in common? We both can't practice law in New York.

   This summer everyone should wear sunscreen, so the person next to you won't get sunburned.

   Gone on a vacation with Satan

   "This dog,is dog,a dog,good dog,way dog,to dog,keep dog,an dog,idiot dog,busy dog,for dog,20 dog,seconds dog," Now read without the word (dog)

   Thought it was real sweet that my daughter gave me a hug in the store until I realized she was trying to steal my credit card.