Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Christian music: 2% thought provoking lyrics about god and life. 98% bad metaphors about god, that seem oddly sexual.

   Many women don't know this, but an ugly guy asking you out ISN'T considered sexual harassment. Just saying...

   Sometimes, when I haven't had sex for a while, I like to go jogging in flip flops so I remember the sound.

   Why can't you people get it? The protest of not standing for the national anthem will end when you people learn equality and freedom for all races.

   Trump is an inspiration to me that an unattractive man can get a wife.

   The Speaker of the House outright left our Hurricane Sandy victims in the sand (no pun intended). So I am writing a strongly worded letter to Congress requesting that every American Dictionary replaces the word "erection" with "Boehner"....

   Have you notice "racecar" backwards is a "racecar"

   I have had many friends posting random thoughts. So here I go. If you are in a canoe flying over the grand canyon and a tire falls off how many pancakes does it take to fix a dog house orange elephants dont like ice cream.. Just a thought. :)

   So sick of all the time travel jokes next week.

   what does pink floyd and dale earnhart have in common? their last hit was the wall

   According to your logic, I guess 9/11 is fake news because CNN reported it.

   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

   I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned

   Look, I am fed up with the gays demanding and ordering what they want. You are sick People. You have an Illness that needs a cure. Stop badgering the Normal people because you feel you need to express your sickness.

   A CUTE GIRL SMILED AT ME AT THE GROCERY STORE I GOT HER LICENCE PLATE NUMBER I'LL LOOK IT UP LATER AND CALL HER

   Did you ever notice when you push old people down the stairs they scramble to grab the railings???

   Question -- Should we either Heil Trump or burn crosses wearing white sheets in honor of Trump? Looking for a fun Thursday night activity.

   White folks dance like they have an invisible hula hoop around their waist.

   My parents accused me of being a liar today! All I said was ''Santa Claus'' ''Easter Bunny'' '' Tooth Fairy'' and walked away. Shut them Up!!!

   Ladies: During sex, keep your heels on because when it's over he's kicking your a$$ right out.