Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My girlfriend says she plans to have sex tonight. I sure hope I'm invited.

   Wait now. It's OK to show g a why couples kissing but not a beautiful woman. That's BS!

   The Washington Redskins are temporarily changing their name to the "Washington Football Team", or in other words "WTF".

   Stay tuned for Cardi B's next big hit: "MIPWYTTSI"... (My Itchy Pu$$y Wants Your Tongue To Scratch It.)

   What a great Halloween. Thanks for giving us the night off Covid!

   If you don't make it in Hip Hop, there's always IHOP.

   Reese with her spoon is always ready for cereal.

   Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.

   Just farted so badly Adam Sandler is pitching to buy the rights to make a movie about it.

   Remember, YOU are unique ... just like everyone else.

   Here's a list of my favourite xmas carols.

   Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got 2 it first.

   Super Bowl: it's like WrestleMania, but boring.

   If you're single, happy go f#ck yourself today. . .

   Thanks to the last 8 years, at least the east side has plenty of vacancies!

   Democrat bill would force Trump to disclose White House and Mar-a-Lago visitors, including Vladimir Putin and Kanye West.

   Carrot top gave the greatest performance the White House correspondents' dinner has ever seen. Greatest ever!

   It's Be THE Best. There you go, I fixed it for you. You're welcome!

   Bought a stick deodarant. Instruction say "remove cap and push up bottom"....... I have trouble walking, but when I fart, the room does smells nice.

   A man injured his hand at work. The doctor said sorry but we need to amputate one of your fingers. Man ask the hole finger? Doctor said no, the one next to it.