Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 546 of 6385
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Except for imitation grape soda; real grapes have never quite gotten over that one..
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04-27-2017 11:12 by Mick
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character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you!
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04-28-2017 07:41
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If I could have dinner with anyone, alive and dead, no question,,, I would want it to be Schrödinger's cat
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05-01-2017 02:06 by snotty
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What is the big deal about Cinco De Mayo. I've been drinking my ass off Everydayo of Mayo.
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05-03-2017 18:29 by Zinc
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I'm not trying to brag but I can wear the same size socks today that I did in high school.
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05-05-2017 15:54 by Aerotim
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Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you're horny, but can't stand to look at each other !
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05-05-2017 16:01
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I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
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05-08-2017 08:33 by Gump
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In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home, ,, The more homeless I look.
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05-14-2017 03:25 by snotty
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I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
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05-22-2017 02:41
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I just keep telling myself you guys don't have sex either.
With the way humanity follows directions, I look for a lot of people to need a seeing eye dog soon
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08-20-2017 19:13 by Eddy
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"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine." -Me, singing to my vitamin D supplement.
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08-21-2017 09:28
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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
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08-24-2017 11:03 by Dp
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I believe that children are our future... ...it's why I got the vasectomy.
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08-29-2017 14:38
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You can't spell amusement without semen!
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09-02-2017 07:12
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Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone's throat.
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09-08-2017 07:26
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To honor Hugh Heffner, all erections will be at half staff today
I'm so glad my boss can't hear what I'm thinking.
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10-02-2017 22:44 by Jake
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*coughs for 5 minutes straight* **checks for abs**
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10-06-2017 02:26
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I stopped eating natural foods when I found out that most people die from natural causes.
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10-11-2017 17:25 by Jake
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