Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Crooked Melania: So which is better, admitting she lied about writing the speech, or admitting she plagiarized? 
Obama: "Don't boo... vote." Ghost: "I didn't really think that was an option for me but you've given me hope I have no arms or body but maybe."
When I die I want my ashes scattered over a Starbucks WiFi router.
To the Mayor of North Carolina: Corey Feldman could clear the streets with one song.
The flight attendant said put on my mask first before helping others. No problem. The guy next to me is shoeless so I want him dead.
The somke detector is not a timer...
US are specialists in making two countries fight.......Now they are fighting within themselves........Karma you Beauty
Hey Lady, Please don't blame the Holidays ..... For Pete's Sake ..... You you were Fat in August!!!
Whatta ya want for breakfast? Burnt toast and a rotten egg. Burnt toast and a rotten egg? Whatta ya want that for? I got a tapeworm and that's good enough for him!
I don't care about self driving cars. . . What I really want is a self FLYING car.
Bae, I got you bae. -Sonny & Cher 2014
I'm so glad I don't have to hunt for my own food. I don't even know where sandwiches live
Ladies, If a guy mutes the volume during the Super Bowl when you sit down next to him, you need to do one thing. Marry him.
I just pressed the Popcorn setting for defrosting on my microwave and it said "wrong button".
Just remember Satan worshipers, he got his a$$ kicked by some Georgia redneck...
I'd tell you guys a joke about chemistry but I know It wouldn't get a reaction and I would tell you a joke about a pencil but its pointless and my joke about leaches sucks and I have a feeling I might have told you the one about Deja vu before, so never m
ME: I miss you KIDNAPPER: Look. I got the ransom money, your family got you back. It's done. Stop calling me.
Lower my gluten intake the doctor said. Over my bread body!
11.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
To say things are going "swimmingly" is always a good thing. Except when you're on a cruise. 