Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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The recipe called for a hint of sea salt, unfounded rumors of rosemary, open threats of thyme, an unauthorized search and seizure of pepper. 
The steady fall of oil prices and subsequent decline of the Canadian dollar motivated me to diversify my investment portfolio from empties to Lotto Max.
Jada Pinkett-Smith should picket Donald Trump and Sarah Palin for being too white.
Bristol Palin is not amused with Tina Fey's impression of her mother, Sarah Palin. Perhaps it's was Sarah Palin doing an impression on Tina Fey. No one ever thinks about that.
Most people my age are older than me.
The world would be a better place if a certain group of people would be more tolerant. I'm speaking to the lactose intolerant people out there. Stop the hate.
Donald Trump says he "will spill the beans " on Cruz's wife, I always wondered what beans Heidi eats??
The Harold and Kumar movies are probably the best Korean/Indian buddy movies ever made.
fine then, family is NOTHING
Just a friendly reminder: Jesus is always watching you.
Fire fighters confirmed that the fire did not start in Trumps library 📚
My private part is like an electric eel. It's not super charged or anything. It's that women are afraid to go near it.
If you throw a pot of boiling spaghetti at someone’s face and it sticks, it’s done.
Tryna see how I’m finna split 8$ between 17 people for Christmas 🥴..
*swishing the vaccine around in my arm like it’s a fancy wine*
No woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentines day because no man has a chocolate slong wrapped in money that ejaculates diamonds.
As a kid in the 70’s when I told my dad I wanted to go to the movies to see Grease, he told me to go look in the lard can on the stove.
The two things a wife can do to make her husband happy. Pack her bags and leave.
Kinda shocking to see that pic of Carrot Top holding Trumps head.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, hunt it down and beat the snot out of it. 