Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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you know....it's been almost two months since Christmas.....I should probably stop ceaselessly referring to my p*nis as the "Pole-her Express".... 
Ok All right who pushed the damn buffalo wild wing button.......during this race ???
heard there was a party in your pants, but she is pretty sure she won't be coming
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.”
sorry, but I can't "go to hell"~ my restraining order states I can't be within 100 feet of it.
Just had the misfortune of watching some of MTV's "reality" shows...I'll take "Why the Mayan's decided to end it in 2012" for $1000.00 Alex....
I wish I could make it illegal for anyone to wake up before 6am.
Tip: Don't blow your nose in a well used public restroom...sometimes being stuffed up is a good thing....unless you like the sensation of being punched in the face with a sack full of a**holes...
I feel like I've been watching Jersey Shore (The Facebook edition) for three days Now! B1tchin about every lil thing is like a rockin chair, It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you any where.
eating a couch cushion and just found out I'm Oprah's long lost sister!
catching flies and turning them into crawls
anything not related to elephant is IRRelephant
Q: Are you tired of this sillyass Q & A game everyone is doing? A: Yes I wish that they would $hit and fall back in it.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers,why are they still working??
I've just been given a six month suspension from football. I caught an opponent with a tackle and broke both his legs... I admit the tackle was a bit late, he was getting into his car at the time.
X says Karma is like 69.....you get what you give....:)
Really needs a nap, I guess I will pop "Eat, Pray, Love" back in the blu-ray, should be out in seconds!
making home made dynamite is so much fun
finds it quite ironic how "Lame-O" is ironically probalby the lamest insult ever invented.
''Viva La Rasa''..what the hell have I just said! 