Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   got a Rolex for his birthday from the lesbians next door. I think they misunderstood me when I said 'I wanna watch'

   Osama 0 - Obama 1

   Press the F13 button to get a surprise! Yeah that's right ;-)

   im no gynecologist...but I'll take a look ;)

   Sarah Palins name is becoming so big, That she can no longer see Russia from her house.

   Lean pockets: for those of you who don't eat meat, but still like diarrhea.

   #ThoughtsWhileLosingVirginity.........."So this is what all the hype is about huh"

   I'm writing a book about cheap imported cars... It's a real Saab story.

   In school days I used to hate that guy/girl who always reminds the teacher about tests and vivas

   You use your phone as a flashlight at night and hit random buttons to keep it lit.

   Boyfriend not calling you back? Send a text you're about to cut off all your hair. Ahhhh there he is!

   AT&T should make a commercial with the pink dress girl naked and say, hey tmobile where is your clothes? And the girl can say you bought it right off my back.

   at the Casey Anthony Abortion Clinic, It's NEVER too late...

   I think I'm gonna start texting random numbers saying "OMG, I JUST SAW YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED TO YOU!!"

   so horny that i'm turned on by the crack of dawn

   wishing that girl on Maury would hurry up and find her baby daddy already!

   We should ask Mexico to be our 51st state. We'd have people to do the jobs we don't want to do and would get the jobs back they sent there. Plus, some great real estate!

   you may have won this stare contest... SUN! But I'll definitely be triumphant tomorrow! ...now time for the moon

   If there were no such things as bears,what kind of hugs would we give?

   Jack Frost nipped my nose, so I hit him in the snowballs!