Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 317 of 6384
Gonna hit the showers. You can do whatever you want with that information.
Oh, the good old days before Facebook, when you didn't care whether anyone "liked" you or not.
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01-26-2012 21:42 by BEGO
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I belong to a gym...let me rephrase that, I don't belong there. but I go anyway....
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03-12-2011 10:34 by Van
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When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
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03-14-2011 19:12
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.569 seconds...the amount of time it takes me to get away from a spider.
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02-09-2011 21:29
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Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.
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02-19-2011 16:15
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All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy!"
just ripped a hole in my American Eagle jeans. I'd be mad but I think they just went up in value..
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03-04-2011 23:39 by Vivus
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Nothing screams "I don't care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
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05-24-2011 16:56
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Sometimes I think that life is one big test...and I'm in the wrong classroom.
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04-13-2011 22:53 by J. BIAZA
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We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.
I bet Bin laden now reqrets letting his Facebook "Check In" at his current location
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05-02-2011 11:39 by CJ
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bin Laden's last words..."hey, did you hear your Iphone is secretly tracking where you are, crazy right?"
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05-02-2011 15:41
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saw another of those adverts telling me to send my gold in an envelope addressed to Cash for Gold...... Sorry, but I just don't trust my postman that much.
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05-04-2011 12:08
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Alcohol kills slowly...So what? Who's in a hurry?
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05-09-2011 17:29 by mikael-p.
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I feel like when someone in a heated argument turns to me and says "You agree with me right?" What they are really asking is "Am I going to have to yell at you like this dumbass over here?"
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05-19-2011 22:15 by BEGO
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If I text with "Almost there!" I haven't left yet.
I'd like to thank my ex for making me see how I shouldn't be treated
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10-13-2011 10:43
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It's Official: Both Hillary and Donald are now more unpopular than wearing Crocs with socks.
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07-09-2016 05:11
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My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.
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07-28-2016 11:34 by udit
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