Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't do the crime, if you can't handle the anal.

   Question of the day: If cannibals argue with each other, is it considered a food fight?

   The 3 C's of life…Choice, Chance, Change...Make the Choice to take the Chance if you want to Change.!!!

   Irony would be Arnold having an illegitimate son named John Conner

   Fellas: If you're playing with your X-Box all day, she'll break up with you and some dude will be playing with your ex's box all night.

   ..... He floats like a burrerfly and stings like a bee ..... I wish a Happy 70th ... to Muhammad Ali

   Whitney Houston may always love you but I will not! Not after you slept with my sister

   Feminists. If you hate men so much, why are you always trying to be like us?

   Their is a perfect girl 4 everyone!! I think mine died at birth

   When life hands you lemons, squirt the juice in your eye..the stinging sensation will stop your whining.

   saw a banana peel in the road today and instinctively swerved to miss it, thanks Mario Kart!

   I don't know why we just don't take a bunch of nukes and level the middle east and those towel heads once and for all

   They should just make Sarah Palin pope. She can see heaven from her back yard.

   Fun idea: Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.

   Some countries have evolved and become more civilized while some still have monarchies (looking at you inbreeding Brits).

   I'll have a coke please . Hhmmm is Pepsi ok ? Hhmm how about no ! Is monopoly money ok ?

   Roses are red, violets are blue, friend requests are good but who the hell are you?!?

   I bang my snooze button so often and hard it's probably pregnant...

   R.I.P. Osama Bin Laden - World Hide and Seek champion 2001-2011.

   Does anyone else think "Global warming" is just wordplay and code for "The Human Infestation Problem"