Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 235 of 6383
Really!!! Kim Kardashian is upset with the Casey Anthony verdict!!! Your father defended OJ Simpson, Thus starting the Kardashian tradition of getting black men off!!!
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07-07-2011 09:40 by migasjoe
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I'm a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don't know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc'd my new girlfriend who wanted proof.
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09-13-2011 03:53
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Perhaps Bieber wouldn't need to vandalize walls with graffiti if the restaurants that he goes to would offer him a coloring menu with crayons
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11-17-2013 11:54 by cpaman
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My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
Whoever said, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" clearly had no idea how to give a stellar blow job.
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01-13-2013 10:59
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If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we're fucked.
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08-07-2012 00:58
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I love Pandas, They're so chill. They're like "Dude, racism is stupid. I'm white, Black, & Asian..."
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05-11-2011 14:16
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I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
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01-31-2011 18:02 by Will
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When I push the soap dispenser and it's empty I usually pretend it wasn't and wash my hands with the ghost soap that came out.
Why can't braille just be in the shape of the letters?
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07-07-2011 21:56
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Stop it with this political BS. I haven't stolen and posted a descent item in months
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07-15-2016 04:31
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Today, I was told I was being too patronising which means I was treating them like they were stupid.
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03-03-2010 16:03 by bigedusw
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The problem with being young is sometimes we don't stop to think, the problem with getter older is sometimes we forget what we were thinking about.
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03-08-2010 16:49 by bigedusw
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Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.
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03-16-2012 03:52 by Zinc
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If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"
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02-21-2014 23:14 by fadolo
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CNN Breaking news: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released......
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10-01-2013 10:25 by sully
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Now, show me on the doll where the Government touched you...
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10-02-2013 22:20 by Snoogins
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Just finished charging my iPhone. Lets see how long the battery la
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10-19-2013 09:45 by buyah
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For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea's TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
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12-23-2014 13:47 by eengrms
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