Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
it just me or doesn't anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore? 
For $5 you can either get your girl approximately 2 flowers from a florist OR you can get her an ENTIRE costco rotisserie chicken. that’s all I'm sayin. the choice is yours
October is about trees revealing colors they’ve hidden all year. People have an October as well.
Starting a new job feels like you’re a new character on the ninth season of a tv show.
If a US citizen lies to Congress, it's 20 years in federal prison, but if a US Congressperson lies to citizens, it's another 2 years in office
When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn't want to hear. "Who was that?"
It’s so cute when recipes only say 1/4 cup of cheese. Bless their hearts.
I'd like to put out an Amber alert for common sense...
My body is the result of thousands of pull ups. Pull up to the donut shop Pull up to the drive thru window Pull up results for “nearest pizza buffet”
Why is it that people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?
Red flag laws sound great until you realize you’re labeled crazy for thinking 5-year-olds shouldn’t attend drag shows.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
Are the double maskers going to start yelling at the single maskers?
Sociopath: The Sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are Guilty of. They do this to deflect attention from themselves.
how do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
WOW! I can't believe the Guard who was guarding Jeffery Epstein was killed in an automobile accident - Tomorrow or Monday! 