Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 540 of 6385
It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
When she starts "first of all "in the middle of an argument,just give up, she has won already as she is gonna bring up stuff from 10 years back
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04-28-2017 07:49
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You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
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05-22-2017 02:30 by Baddie
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
This is why the government won’t tell us if aliens are real. You fockers will panic and buy all the tin foil.
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04-01-2020 15:50
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Do people just get up and think about what they can be offended by today?
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06-18-2020 08:54
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.. To make sure they will arrive on time, I'm mailing my Christmas cards now.
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08-20-2020 22:58 by Oldtimer
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I’ve saved $7982 in movie theater popcorn by switching to Covid
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09-02-2020 10:40
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If you can't afford to tip your food delivery drivers working in the pandemic maybe you should try to save some money by eating at home.
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09-03-2020 00:44
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Does anyone know if we have any wiggle room when it comes to the 6ft distances rule?
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09-18-2020 03:04 by Lonnie
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Someone told me that they had a little seizure and I had to resist saying pizza, pizza.
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10-10-2021 15:13
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A sheep spends it's entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
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03-24-2018 13:47
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Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Ain't no psychotic meltdowns, either...
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02-07-2019 11:52
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Just so everybody's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on.
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03-20-2019 11:25
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When I was younger I wanted to play guitar really badly. And after lots of hard work and practice, I now play the guitar really badly.
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05-16-2019 14:46 by DJJackson
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Just found out AT&T stands for Atlantic Telephone and Telegraph. I think my internet is connected to the telegraph side.
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06-19-2016 06:18
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My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.
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07-01-2016 01:23
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BREAKING: FBI finds John Wilkes Booth "extremely careless" in discharge of firearm.
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07-05-2016 20:40
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In Jurassic World, they were able to train raptors. Still not as impressive as the Flintstones convincing a bird to be their record player.
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07-10-2016 19:35
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Rap videos are completely unrealistic. Nobody has that many friends
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07-24-2016 07:40 by huck
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